Cat's Corner of Montana

Sometimes I enjoy wondering just for the hell of it what my life would have been like if I were raised differently. I'm curious to know how much a different upbringing might or might not have influenced how I wound up applying some of my innate gifts as an adult.

It probably sounds a bit weird out of context, but as a result of a random conversation from yesterday, I've been wondering what would have happened if I were raised in a home where religion was really, really important. Like... say for instance that my mom was a staunch Catholic instead of a lapsed Catholic and she had decided to raise me up with Catholicism as a major influence. I think my life path could well have taken a different direction.

Now... this is going to sound very strange to those of you who know me well, but I think I actually would have been comfortable living a very religious, pious life providing it was something that I did from the very beginning. I have a tremendous sense of dedication to whatever I apply myself to, and I have actually never known anyone in real life who has the kind of willpower I have. I'm never even tempted to color outside the lines when it comes to anything I consider to be a moral or ethical issue. I'm really not.

Under those circumstances, I bet I would have made a terrific nun or religious leader or something. I even think I would have enjoyed "Catholic guilt" in a really weird way. There's part of me that really likes holding myself to my own set of rules, and I think that if I had grown up religious and adopted those ideals from an early age, I would happily hold myself to the rules of my religion just as dutifully.

Plus, I've always been rather fascinated by religion... particularly Catholicism. Actually, right after I moved to Great Falls, I went to Seth's cousin's wedding, which just happened to be a Catholic wedding. I thought it was beautiful, and I remember actually feeling jealous that I wasn't actually a part of the truly beautiful tradition I was witnessing, because part of me really wanted to be. I honestly wished I knew the responses, or was able to take communion at the very least.

This isn't to mean that I actually actively wish I were raised Catholic. I like how my life is turning out in this reality way too much for that. Plus, the way I figure it, everything goes down pretty much the way it's supposed to, so if that were something I was meant for, it would have been so. However, I do often wonder what would have happened if things were different in certain respects.

I wonder if I'd still write and paint at all, or if I really would have eventually chosen to become a nun and dedicate myself to God. That certainly would have appealed to the younger me -- the me that never even wanted to leave home, didn't want anything to do with any sort of career, and wanted only to be protected for the rest of my life. I wonder if I would have found a way to use my creative gifts in a different way, or if I simply wouldn't have felt the need to do that at all the way I do in this life. Perhaps those things have become my own substitute for something else that I didn't have, and they wouldn't have been needed in another reality.

I definitely figure there are probably good reasons why that wasn't the life I was given. For instance, in astrology, the positions of your lunar nodes supposedly dictate what your destiny is supposed to be -- what traits you're supposed to be working toward acquiring, and what traits you're supposed to be working on leaving behind. My Southern node is in Taurus, meaning I naturally have a tendency to want to stick close to home, be kept safe, and never venture very far out into the world. There's more, but that's the gist of it. I'm supposed to be working on all of that.

My Northern node is in Scorpio, meaning that I'm actually meant to venture far and wide and have many different experiences in a variety of settings. I'm supposed to become comfortable with leading and with being someone who is charismatic, creative, and (supposedly) powerful. Transformation is the watchword for people with that position, and that's definitely something that's been forced down my throat in this lifetime, like it or not, although I can definitely say I've begun to embrace it at least semi-willingly in recent years. Learning to roll with the punches has earned me far fewer cosmic black eyes than I used to get.

I do not believe I would have successfully begun to progress in the direction I'm allegedly supposed to if I'd been raised religious. I would have wrapped my religion around me like a warm, soft blanket and happily sequestered myself away from the world... probably fairly early in life, too. I probably wouldn't have become an artist, a writer, or anything else that even kind of required me to actually be "out there" and part of the world. Most of you would very likely never even have heard of me. Weird, eh?